4 Proven Strategies to Enjoy Stress-Free Family Gatherings This Holiday Season

Whether you grew up in a tight-knit tribe or barely ever connected, the holidays tend to be an expected time for families to come together for family gatherings.

I heard a client refer to it as her “community service” for the year. And another said it was the “most cherished” time of the year. And both ends of the spectrum still experience stress.

Stress from…

• Wanting things to be perfect
• The length of your to-do list
• Budgeting for higher expenses
• Figuring out gifts
• Recovering from COVID years and not still knowing what “normal” looks like
• Making everyone’s favorite food
• Setting up holiday decorations
• Cleaning up for company
• Dealing with triggering family dynamics
• Expectations of others
• Staying healthy through flu season
• Judging or comparing yourself 
• Not having enough time
• Not having enough help

And everything else you already have on your already full plate!

You feel me? 

If you experience ANY of these, guess what? That means you’re a human, too!

I’m not here to be a Pollyanna and say that with these 4 tips family gathering, all your stress will melt away.

However, I CAN say that these 4 tips have been the keys to helping me personally and countless leaders that I’ve coached and witnessed the results firsthand when it comes to creating stress-free family gatherings.

Last year, one client even said, “I finally focused on what I wanted the holidays to feel like, not what I thought it was supposed to look like. Now I have my sanity and a deeper connection to my boys.”

You see, so many of us are programmed to follow old traditions and to-do lists “because we always have,” and we tell ourselves that if that changes, we’re not doing what we’re “supposed to do”. Especially if you have kiddos and people who expect you to carry on the holiday cheer.

It can often feel like, “If not you, then who?” So it’s easy to justify that you may as well keep yourself seasonally stressed (at best) for the greater good of your family gathering.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

Stress ensues when we feel we have fewer resources than demands. Think: not enough time, money, help, etc.

It’s that old “too much and not enough” battle that can lead us to straight-up massive melt-downs or less obvious passive-aggressive responses to people who absent-mindedly pile on your plate.

Here are four ways to have stress-free family gatherings…

Family Gathering Tip #1: Check your mindset.

What type of relationship have you created for yourself in your mind? Is it one that judges you constantly or cheers you on? For the majority of us humans, it’s one that judges the shit out of you. And since you’re the only one who can hear that voice, you’re also the only one with the power to change it. For most of us, this means fear-based programming has been hardwired in the way you talk to yourself, and you don’t even notice it! It’s a journey to get there, but the moment you start getting curious about your mindset (instead of being taken down by it), the sooner it is possible to change it and experience the stress relief that follows! Next time your inner critic shows up around holiday anxiety, ask yourself, “What would I do to help my best friend if they were in this same situation?”

You would stand up for your best friend if someone was ridiculing them. You’d cheer them up and help them see how perfectly imperfect they are. Right?

Change your mindset today and become your best friend instead of your biggest bully. With permission to be human, you’ll be well on your way.

Family Gathering Tip #2: Look for love.

Whatever we look for, we find! So, if you’re looking for things to annoy you – you’ll find them. I used to be a pro at finding everything that annoyed me about holiday expectations. And I’d be reminded of them every year, and those stories were reinforced. Then, one year, I decided that if it was that easy to find what annoyed me… how easy might it be to find where love was popping up? Love for traditions. Love for one another. Love for food. Love for connection. One of the most palpable ways I found love was when James was about to leave his corporate job to work full-time with me in my business. During a holiday party, I was pulled aside and asked if I knew the divorce rate for couples that go into business together…

Since I was actively LOOKING for love, what would have previously been very annoying was transmuted into love. While it was packaged in a fearful way, I knew they shared it because they loved us and our marriage deeply and they wanted us to remain a healthy unit.  It was an act of love if I chose to receive it that way.

Now this isn’t about pretending people don’t say shitty things that are just shitty. Those exist, too.

And if you look at things through a love lens and still don’t find it… Then, it’s time to rethink who gets invited to be a part of the holiday in the future. The more love, the less stress.

Family Gathering Tip #3: Ask for Help.

Instead of assuming you need to take on EVERYTHING alone, ask people what their favorite parts of the holiday are and then put them in charge of that area of the season. Love cooking? Great! They can lead the kitchen efforts. Get joy out of decorations? Fabulous – they are now the chief design artist of holiday cheer. Is no one excited about cleaning up? No worries – ask everyone to pitch in a little so hosting doesn’t all fall on your shoulders. Think: One person oversees dishes, trash, storage, etc. Whatever you decide – don’t do it silently or hope someone will read your mind. Ask for help and see what you can receive.

Family Gathering Tip #4: Do less.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. And just because you have done it in the past doesn’t mean you have to do it in the present. If it causes you stress, consider if you’re telling yourself if you have to/should keep doing it or if you want to/get to keep doing it. Then reconsider all the have-to’s and should’s. Maybe you don’t need to host at all? Maybe it’s time to pass the baton? Maybe you don’t need to pull out all the decorations? Maybe you can just have one of your favorites?

Maybe you don’t have to send everyone cards? Maybe you just receive cards this year?

What might you do less of so you can experience more well-being?

Pic with my mini friend, Jitterbug while I was doing less to be well. 

Whatever you choose this holiday season, my wish is that you choose inner harmony for yourself in whatever that may look like.

If you need a loving guide to help you on that journey – just let me know by emailing me at marybeth@sparkvisionnow.com.

When you are ready, here’s how I can help you set powerful boundaries that stick.

Alignment Coaching: Want to make this the most joyful, stress-free holiday season to date? Excited but scared to set healthy boundaries to protect your energy? I’ll be your loving guide and support system to do things differently this year and beyond.

Work with me 1×1 to align with your core values and ignite more well-being without compromising your impact. Fill out this inquiry form to see if we’re a good fit for one another.