Wedding Values: An Officiant's Lens on Marriage

The Role of Wedding Values: Insights from an Experienced Officiant

I have had the incredible joy and honor of marrying many couples and witnessing their wedding values. A dream came true when a friend and former leadership volunteer from a young professional program I ran asked me, “What’s one thing you’d hoped to have accomplished but didn’t get a chance to before you left?”

The answer was so obvious in my heart, “Well, it’s gonna sound weird, but I really wanted two people to meet at this program, fall in love, get married, and I would officiate their wedding.” He was shocked but delighted. Then, a few weeks later, that very same friend came to me and said, “So we didn’t meet at your program, but we’d still love for you to marry us. Will you?” I got ordained that very day!

Since then I’ve been living on the highs of love vibes with going on to marry 4 of the volunteers from that very program, along with cherished friends, and engaged couples who found me because they wanted something more personal and thoughtful for their ceremony.

Every single duo who hires me as their officiant has the values of storytelling, connection, love, and growth through their wedding values.

They’re looking to connect people through their love story and unite them in joy for their wedding. And oddly, that’s not the norm for most weddings. Couples are typically focused on the reception and neglect the most important part and the complete reason why they’re celebrating – the act of actually getting married in their ceremony!

With this new perspective and cherished role in my life. I get to orchestrate traditions from all different religious and cultural backgrounds. The joy of learning and facilitating those connections is a total alignment of my personal values of reflection, connection, sense of belonging, mature love, growth, and storytelling.

Whether you’re the one getting married or a plus-one guest. You have the power to see the VALUES that are swirling all over the wedding scene.

From the intention behind the ceremony to the food to the glitz of the reception to the speeches to the way people celebrate with or without alcohol. It’s a total reflection of one’s values! And what’s key in that observation is noticing them without judgment and leaning into respect for your similarities and differences.

Sometimes, it’s painfully apparent when couples put their own values aside to appease their family. Or when they aren’t willing to consider their family’s values at all. Both perspectives create tension. Neither is right or wrong. It’s just what it is. The challenging part is when it creates pain, frustration, or feelings of being unheard.

Traditions like marriage tend to ignite intense responses from people in the full range of emotions.

And I’d love to give you some tips if you find yourself at one of these celebrations and feel discord within yourself…

Start by getting Curious: Why is this thing making me have such a strong reaction? Whether a high or a low.

Move into Reflection: When have I felt this way in the past? How has it served me or held me back?

Ground yourself in Empathy: What do I think it feels like for the bride/groom/family right now? How can I celebrate and support them?

We are all walking, talking, living, breathing set of values. The opportunity here is to know what yours are and to observe them in action everywhere you go.

When you can say…

“You know – this is so great for me because it’s activating my value of Reflection,” or “Hmmm – this is not sitting well with me because Wealth doesn’t resonate.” You can move from frustration to clarity and respect for what is.

As a wedding officiant, it is such a privilege to see wedding values in action on the most important day of their lives. Do you see them too?