How to Live a Life of Your Own: A Guide to Creating a Life by Design
Every self-help guru extraordinaire urges their audience to do things like, “Make small changes and change your life. With just a few habit tweaks, the life of your dreams can be at your fingertips!” Right? But what about creating your own life by design?
Just a few years ago, if I heard someone say that to me I likely would be thinking something like, “Easy for you to say. You have no idea what I’ve been through!” or “Yeah – when you don’t have to worry about money!” or even, “Well doesn’t that make you special – not for those of us who live in reality!”.
I am shocked and humbled to know how far I’ve come from that person who has those pessimistic and judgemental thoughts about the idea of having the ability to truly live a life of your own.
My journey on this path started 3 years ago when I had a diagnosed work addiction and was so burnt out. I actually took pride in the 14+ hours I’d put in regularly and the extremes that I was pushing myself with lack of sleep and no downtime. The saddest part was, I THOUGHT I WAS DESIGNING MY LIFE! And I didn’t think it was possible to have that picture of success without grinding, hustling and giving it every ounce I had to prove that I could do it.
Sound familiar?
I know that this messed up visual of someone pushing themselves past their limits in order to be a “successful” is far from a unique story. But what does make it different is that I got help. Through mindfulness-based therapy, raw conversations with my husband and my dedication to having a healthier life, I can now say I’m living my best life by design.
For others who can relate to this concept of life by design, I’d like to share the most impactful things I did to start this process and keep it alive today.
1. Practice Mindfulness. This was THE MOST powerful of all the tools I’ve learned. Knowing how to live in the present moment, not thinking about what wasn’t accomplished yesterday or what’s on the plate for tomorrow, simply being here now. This also includes, not checking your phone at red lights or on your nightstand when you first wake up!
2. Reignite Positive Sleep Hygiene. When you’re not used to sleeping through the night, it can feel like it’s impossible to change that pattern. So I had to learn that just like kiddos, we adults need to have good nighttime routines too! I started to do some rituals around putting on my PJs, brushing my teeth, making a cup of tea, and reading in bed before I went to sleep.
3. Set Boundaries + Hold Them. I didn’t think it was possible to set boundaries with family, friends or colleagues. I was dead wrong. It was amazing how responsive people are to simply asking to schedule something further out or letting people know that you don’t have the capacity to take something on.
4. Meditate. I tried a million ways and nothing really stuck. Then my husband and I started Transcendental Meditation (TM) and it took me further into a sense of peace than I knew possible. Just 20 minutes a day has drastically shifted my sense of center.
5. Become Aware of Emotional Reciprocity. This is a BIG ONE! Especially if you’re like me and fall in love with people quickly and want to give them my all. This is exactly what it sounds like – if you’re giving to someone emotionally, are they meeting you in return when you need it? I started to become more aware of the relationships that had this and those that didn’t. I stopped giving so much of myself to the ones that didn’t and the return in my own energy was huge.
6. Own Your Gifts. It’s easy to think that something that comes easily to you isn’t a gift. I thought that nurturing relationships and engaging people intentionally was something everyone did. It wasn’t until I stepped away for that grid that I could take any ownership over having that as a GIFT and not a burden.
7. Speak your Desires Out Loud. We all have dreams. But how often do we speak them into truth? When you start to tell people what you want (like my quest to become a Cowgirl) it’s amazing how the universe starts to line those pieces up for you — when you’re ready and open to see and accept them.
8. Reflect + Give Gratitude for each day. I used the 5 Minute Journal app on my phone to jump-start the day with what I’m grateful for, what my intentions are for the day and one affirmation about who I am. You can never feel angry when you’re grateful!
9. Understand your Values. This is basically my battle cry these days. We’re a walking talking, living, breathing set of values. But so few of us know what they are by name and where they came from. Being able to identify that value blueprint for yourself is a big part of unlocking your true self and not the version that everyone else thinks you are or has projected onto you.
10. Create habits to live in my Values. It’s one thing to know your values, it’s another thing to live in alignment with them. When your behaviors, routines + habits reflect the pieces of you that make you come alive, every day feels like a life by design.
These truly are the little things that are the BIG things when creating a life by design into your to align with your daily experience.
I am now on a journey to help more individuals help themselves in these intentional shifts so that you can live a life of your own.
I’m still pinching myself, knowing that on September 12th, 2018, I joined world-renowned speakers like Deepak Chopra during the inaugural Life By Design, Not By Default online summit.
If you’re interested in taking the first step to understanding your values and how to live in alignment, you can check out my 10-day audio course, Knowing & Living Your Values.
