Why So Many Women Ignore Their Needs (And How to Start Listening to Your Body Again)
I don’t know about you, but when given the choice, I 100% of the time choose a window seat on the plane. ✈️
Why? As a solid napper, it’s the perfect way to keep my neck supported against the side of the plane while getting my snooze on. Let’s be real, those neck pillows only go so far…
But if you fly often, you already know that the window seat also means: you’re boxed in. Meaning you need to crawl over the middle and aisle seat to get out.
So, if you need to get up, you have to do the small but uncomfortable thing of asking two strangers to move.
For some people, that’s not a big deal.
For me? Historically, it has been a MASSIVE deal. 😟
I’ve spent the majority of my life trying not to inconvenience or disturb people. (A common side effect of children of abuse.)
So whenever I found myself needing to go to the bathroom during the flight, my first instinct was the same one I’ve had for years: *just wait*. Hold it. Don’t bother anyone. It’s only a couple more hours. You can make it.
But this time, something inside me paused.
Would I tell my coaching clients to silence their bodies in order not to bother anyone else⁉️ Hells-to-the no!
My body was clearly asking for something simple. So why wouldn’t I listen, the way I coach others to?
So, this time, I spoke up.
And despite the story I was telling myself about how ‘extra’ I was being…
No one sighed. No one rolled their eyes. No one seemed irritated. In fact, they actually seemed happy to stretch their legs.
I was proud to find evidence of a new possibility by ensuring my physical needs are met.
But just as that pride was wearing off… it happened again. NO WAY was I going to ask them to get up again after just going an hour earlier.
I mean, how entitled could I be? 👈That crappy story floated around my mind for a bit.
And then I noticed it. Forgave myself. And chose again.
This time, I told myself the new story that I was giving these guys a chance to stretch their legs again, and how helpful it was for all of our bodies to get up again.
And guess what? They were happy to oblige.
Two bathroom breaks in one flight. For some people, that sounds completely unremarkable. But for me, it felt like a tiny revolution.🥳
Because the real shift wasn’t about the bathroom.
It was about listening to my body instead of overriding it.
The Cost of Being “Easy”
If you’re a woman reading this, there’s a good chance you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Many of us were quietly trained to be “low-maintenance”.
⛔Don’t be difficult.
⛔Don’t ask for too much.
⛔Don’t make things inconvenient.
Psychologists even have a term for this pattern: “self-silencing.” It’s the tendency to suppress your own needs, feelings, or voice in order to maintain harmony or avoid conflict. Research shows that this pattern is more frequent among women and is tied to social expectations that women prioritize others’ comfort and needs.
In other words, the instinct to stay quiet or “not bother anyone” isn’t random.
It’s learned.
And over time, it can show up everywhere.
Holding your bladder on airplanes.
Not asking questions in meetings.
Not speaking up when something doesn’t feel right.
Ignoring your body when it needs rest.
Small moments. But they add up.
Sometimes they add up to years of ignoring ourselves.
What My Body Taught Me at 30,000 Feet
On that flight, I realized listening to my body didn’t create a problem. Ignoring it would have.
The people next to me stood up for about thirty seconds. That was the entire “inconvenience” I had built up for years.
Meanwhile, the internal cost of overriding myself would have been much larger. Discomfort. Numbing. Maybe even a UTI.
The years of telling myself that my needs were less important than someone else’s temporary inconvenience… 👈that’s one outdated story that’s absolutely getting burned down in this year of the fire horse. 🔥🐴
And I want you to join me. Start by asking yourself…
How often do you override your body, your instincts, or your needs in the name of being “considerate”?
Consideration is beautiful. But self-abandonment isn’t.
If you recognized yourself in this story, you’re not alone.
The high achievers I work with are thoughtful, perceptive, and highly emotionally intelligent. They care about doing the right thing. They care about people feeling comfortable. While also wanting to show up with integrity in their values.
But somewhere along the way, they learned to override their own signals in the process.
In coaching, part of what we do together is rebuild trust with those signals — your body, your intuition, your boundaries — so you can lead, live, and relate to others without abandoning yourself.
That work doesn’t usually start with a massive life decision.
✅It starts with small moments of awareness.
✅Small experiments in self-trust.
✅Small shifts that change how you show up in your life.
If this is something you’re ready to explore, I’d love to support you.
You can learn more about coaching or schedule a conversation with me here:
Learn More and Set Up a Call Here
Sometimes the most powerful change begins with something small…
Like listening to your body on a plane.
And realizing you’re allowed to ask for what you need.
One step at a time, without judgment of pace.
Let’s do this!
P.S.
My private and group coaching is for high-achievers who are tired of pleasing everyone but themselves, and who want to create a life that lights them up.
Alignment Coaching isn’t self-help, therapy, or regular mindset coaching. It’s a nervous system-aware, compassionate journey of self-discovery that honors your mind, body, and soul.
Learn More and Set Up a Call Here
Check out what one of my powerhouse coaching clients said about working together:
“MaryBeth is masterful in the moment. She reflects back what’s really going on, helps you get clear on what you need, and supports you to make real change. Working with her got me back into my power faster, and with so much more grace.”
– Carrie Neumann, Senior Director, Field Diversity & Inclusion
