How We Beat the Odds: Thriving in Marriage and Business Together
“Are you aware of how high the divorce rate is when couples go into business together?”
☝️That’s what my uncle said to me, urgently pulling me aside at a family gathering. He was concerned that our marriage was doomed 6 years ago when James announced that he was coming to work with me full-time.
You see, he had a really good-paying job. I’m talkin’ not thinking anything of $1,000 Michelin star dinners for two, kind of money.
He was set up for a lifelong successful career in finance as a top executive globally.
But he came to the point where the fancy care-free dinners were no longer worth it.
I’ll never forget the morning it all changed…
I was 4 years into running SparkVision and was loving life. Clients were abundant. Impact was massive. And I was making more than I ever had, doing what I loved. It felt surreal.
And on one normal morning, gratefully waking up without an alarm clock, James was (as usual) already in his full suit and tie. About to walk out the door, I went to snag a kiss, and he casually said, “One more day of getting my soul sucked out!”
Something that was meant to be a joke stopped me in my tracks.
Why was it fine that I was living my best life with his support, and he was suffering so much?
With both hands, I grabbed him by the collar and looked him square in the eyes and said, “No! No more of this! You are not allowed to continue down this path where you suffer in exchange for money! We’re not choosing this anymore.”
He agreed. And the very next day, we started visioning what his next move might look like. And no – it wasn’t obvious. Nothing seemed to work out.
Then one day, after helping me facilitate a powerfully transformative core values retreat, he said, “I know what I’m supposed to do now. It’s so clear! I’m meant to take everything out of your path that’s keeping you from stepping all the way into the light. I want to work with you so you can shine your brightest and help more people.”
With a tear in my eye, I said, “Let’s do this! But under one condition. You’re not allowed to just hold the light for me, you have to step all the way into it with me.” And we had a deal.⚡
Fast forward to today, and he’s been the best hire of my life!
This week, we celebrated 10 years in business. Something that less than 30% of companies can say.
And the best part? Now we’re both living our best lives. Working with soulmate clients. Money flows abundantly. And we’ve never been more in sync, in love, and inspired by each other’s journey individually and as a team.
So no, Uncle Frank, we aren’t the divorce statistics you were worried about. Thanks for your concern, though. ?
?Truth talk: it’s not always been rainbows and sunshine. We now live in a 200-square-foot tiny home. And we moved across the country without the safety net of my robust Baltimore/East Coast network, where all our business had historically come from.
We’ve been sued for $100 million by my sister. We thought we were headed for divorce because of my toxic family. We’ve been in deep depression and didn’t want to exist anymore. We wasted tens of thousands of dollars on the quick fix to having a million-dollar business. And we’ve learned how to rise above it, anchor in our values, and get stronger because we decided: “It’s this or nothing else!”
With that hit of honesty, here’s some more of the unfiltered truth about partnering with your partner:
- ?Boundaries are a requirement. There isn’t a line between “work” and “life.” Our life and work are one, entangled, and we like it that way. However, we know how and when to set hard boundaries with it so we can have the breaks we need to keep enjoying ourselves.
- ?Living your values isn’t always easy. Get-rich-quick schemes are alluring to believe that if you just pay someone to do it for you, it’ll work. Spoiler alert: if they don’t embody your values, it absolutely won’t. Values alignment is the path less traveled, but the one that always leads us back to ourselves and authentic joy in each day. And how we feel most qualified to help guide our coaching clients in their own journeys.
- ? No one better than your partner to call you on your shit. It’s so rewarding to know it’s coming from someone who has the capacity to love you exactly as you are and enough to expect more from you.
- ?You can play hooky anytime you want. Beautiful day out? Not feeling like opening the computer? Want to have an afternoon delight? No problem. We don’t keep regular business hours and empower each other to take downtime and ramp up creativity time when our energy calls us. Not because of some fake deadlines we’ve made a story about.
- ?The wins are higher and the losses are lower…for a minute. To know exactly how the work is impacting our clients’ lives and our own is the greatest sense of purpose. And when we’re winning, the highs are intoxicating. And when something doesn’t go as planned, we feel it doubly. But quickly, one of us will remind the other, “If not this, then something better!” It’s such a gift to have a built-in chin-lifter when you feel like throwing in the towel.
Overall, I’d say going into business together was the best thing ever to increase the quality of our lives while simultaneously forcing us to face our biggest fears and choose to keep going. One step at a time, without judgment of pace.
You feel me?
Today, I’m raising a glass and toasting to all the people who have trusted me and James to make a difference in your lives through our work.
From Lockheed Martin, to Netflix, to Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, to Johns Hopkins, to Northwestern Mutual, and hundreds more. We are so grateful for high-achieving leaders and their organizations who are saying no to burnout and yes to being lit up! We got you, and we’re just getting started.
Ready to feel what it’s like to have a reliable partner to support you each day? Join our newest offering for high achievers who don’t have time but know they’d benefit from more self-care. The DailySpark is the perfect “soul snack” to activate your values and build your power in just 2-3 minutes each day.
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Let’s do this! Here’s to 10 more years of making a difference!
P.S.
To celebrate our 10 years in biz, you can now check out the Daily Spark for a 7-day trial for free! Join now and come home to yourself. No risk required.
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P.P.S
James and I write, record, and mix each track as a team. It’s been the most life-giving, values-activating teamwork we’ve ever partnered on, and we want to share it with you!
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