Discover Your Authentic Self: 5 Powerful Ways to Reclaim Your True Identity
Authenticity is an odd thing to think about, right? You imagine things like …. Do I know who I am? Do I know the authentic being that lives inside of my body?
And how do you even answer that question? How do you know?
The reality is that most of us never take the time to answer that question completely.
To remember who you are authentically, you must let go of what others want you to be.
Since we were little kids, people are always asking us questions like…
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” And never, “Who do you want to be?”
The title of a job assumes the person’s identity instead of their character and qualities. Which is the most critical identity.
Once you grow older, questions flow out like, “Where are you going to college?” “What’s your major?” “What do you do for a living?” “When are you getting married?” “When are you having a baby?” and finally, “When are you gonna have your next baby?”
We’re conditioned by society to believe there is a “right” path that we need to follow it to be a “successful” human being.
So how do we de-program ourselves from this way of societal norm thinking? How can we slowly pull the tentacles of others’ expectations off of our bodies so we can figure out what WE actually want?
I’ll tell you it’s far from a quick fix or an easy 5 step process. However, over the past six years, these statements represent the ways (and the order) in which I found my authentic self buried under decades of a facade.
Looking at them now, how many can you confidently say apply to your life and being your authentic self?
Let’s break them down some more…
1. I know who I am. This may seem simplistic, but it’s much more challenging than we realize. Knowing your ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ is powerful. When it comes to activities, work, relationships, and hobbies, do you KNOW who you are? If you need support, start with a “Knowing Me” project. Every day, reflect on what aspects made you feel good, bad, and everything in between. It could be as simple as having a notepad or Word document where you merely reflect on daily experiences to understand what brings you joy and what takes it away.
After about a week, you can look at the reflection to see what patterns or trends emerge. They may be like, “I feel drained by people who are always asking and never giving.” or “I get joy from my morning routine of cooking breakfast and reading the paper.”
Write those trends down, too! Then, you can use them as a filter to see if they ring true in your experience in real-time.
2. I take good care of myself. Self-care by definition is “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.” It gets wildly misconstrued because so many correlate self-care to things like vacations, pedicures, and massages. While that is A form of self-care, it is not THE form.
Self-care starts with things we all have access to, like the thoughts you feed yourself, your ability to sleep through the night, and how you respond when your body gives you messages that it’s not okay.
So, where to start? Listen to the whispers your body gives you so it doesn’t have to scream. Are you feeling extra tired? Got sore muscles? Or get an upset stomach every time you have to go to work? Don’t downplay or hide those signals. Respond to them with love by starting with a baby step. Go to bed earlier than usual, take a warm shower or bath or drink some ginger tea to calm your stomach.
When you meet yourself where you are, you can lovingly go where you want to be.
3. I own my gifts. Your gifts are a combination of your life experiences, personality, and unique traits. They are what make you so extra-specially YOU. Your gifts can range from being a talented singer to being an excellent listener. They can be tangible, like being an excellent cook, or intangible, like having high levels of emotional intelligence.
Not sure what your gifts are? ASK! Reach out to your most trusted relationships and ask them what they think are the most significant things you uniquely offer the world. You’ll be surprised what others see in you.
The most important part is then OWNING those gifts. Don’t just know them; use and harness them in your life.
4. I live in my values. So many of us claim our values as the reasons for certain decisions or ways of being. But when have you taken the time to define them for yourself? When you know the words that truly represent your values (such as Creativity, Sense of Belonging, Adventure, Health, and True Friendship). You can use them as both a compass and guardrails for how and where you’re showing up in life as your authentic self.
By defining and living in your values, every day is filled with a sense of purpose and connection to your authentic self. The key is shedding the values we willingly took on to make others proud and aligning with the ones that make you proud.
5. I love myself completely. This is the hardest and the one that I’m still working through, personally. To love yourself completely you must be at peace with your imperfections and respond with kindness when you mess up or have a bad day. There’s a reason this is the last on the list. It’s because it’s practically impossible to do this act without the others setting that strong foundation.
You can shift from self-hate to self-love by feeding your mind and heart what it needs to feel nourished and not deprived. We often forget that we already have everything we need inside of us. And when we look within (instead of to others), we can give ourselves exactly what we need. Here’s one of my favorite tips for making that shift.
So where are you now? And how can you take your first baby step today towards reclaiming your authentic self?
When someone asks me what my greatest accomplishment is now. I proudly proclaim that it’s being myself 100% of the time. And I know that once you’re free of the noise, you can do it too! Will you join me in becoming your authentic self?
Looking to tap into these very steps? Check out MaryBeth’s, Knowing and Living Your Values Course.
