How to Set Healthy Boundaries: Lessons From a Mountain Lion Encounter
It was Labor Day, and I was staring into the glow of my computer screen when I realized I needed to set a boundary.
I had decided to do a little work on the holiday, but “a little” was quickly becoming more. My energy was shifting, my body was telling me I had had enough, and I knew it was time to close the computer and do something different.
So I decided to go for a hike.
And looking back, that was only the first of many small boundaries I would need to set with myself that day.
I had the urge to fill a backpack and turn it into a bigger adventure, but my body was still sore from hauling hay all weekend. I decided to leave the pack behind and keep the hike short.
When I reached the trail, I had another choice. I could turn right and take the steep route that would get my heart pumping and my calves burning, or go left and take the gentler switchbacks up the mountain.
Normally, part of me would have wanted the challenge. But I listened to what my body needed instead and chose the easier route.
Another small boundary.
For a while, it was exactly what I needed. I walked slowly, took in the mountains, breathed the fresh air, and enjoyed being surrounded by nature.
Then I started noticing fresh carcasses along the trail…
Seeing animal remains where we live isn’t necessarily unusual, so at first I kept walking. But then there were more.
And these looked even fresher. There was still blood. Something had tried to cover one of the carcasses.
I kept going.
That was another safety boundary I missed…
A few minutes later, I came across part of a deer leg that still looked bloody and scat containing what appeared to be remnants of the deer.
This time, something inside me spoke up. 📣
But I overrode it and kept walking.
Another loud missed boundary…
Immediately, I heard something running down the mountain directly toward me.
I looked up and saw a small cat. For a split second, I thought it might be a bobcat.
Then I saw its face.
It was a mountain lion kitten.
And right behind it was another one.
Two mountain lion kittens were running full speed down the mountain directly toward me.
In that moment, something interesting happened.
I didn’t panic.
I stood where I was, made myself big, and felt an almost surprising sense of calm come over me.
My heart wasn’t racing. I wasn’t trying to run away. I simply stayed present while these two wild cats ran within a few feet of me and continued down the mountain.
And then my conscious mind caught up.
If those are the babies…then where is Mom?!
That is when the fear wanted to take over.
Suddenly, my mind had a dozen possibilities. Should I keep going? Run back? Climb higher? Get off the trail? What if the mother was watching me right now?
I was kicking myself for not catching those smaller boundary invitations sooner…
So I decided this was it. I had to be clear.
My boundaries for myself meant I WAS NOT going to:
- go farther toward the kittens.
- run and potentially trigger a predator response.
- scramble up or down a mountain where a mountain lion could move far more easily than I could.
- allow my fear to take control of my mind.
I turned around and calmly walked back the way I had come.
As I walked, I kept singing out loud: I’m safe. I’m protected.🎶
I stayed aware of what was happening around me, but I kept bringing myself back to the present instead of creating a terrifying story about what might happen next.
Eventually, I made it home safely.
And as I processed the experience afterward, I realized how much it had taught me about boundaries.
You often think of a boundary as one big moment.
The dramatic NO.
The conversation where you finally tell someone how you feel.
The decision to walk away.
But healthy boundaries are often made up of dozens of much smaller choices along the way.
It’s noticing when your body says, I’ve had enough work for today.
It’s choosing the gentler path because that is what you actually need.
It’s listening when something inside you says, This doesn’t feel right.
It’s recognizing when fear starts writing a story and deciding not to follow it.
And sometimes it’s realizing afterward that you missed a boundary and learning from it instead of judging yourself.
You probably aren’t going to have two mountain lions running toward you anytime soon. But you will have moments when life activates your fear, uncertainty, pressure, or anxiety.
Someone or something will push one of your limits.
You’ll feel the urge to say yes when you want to say no. Your mind will start catastrophizing about what might happen if you disappoint someone. You’ll feel something in your body telling you something isn’t right.
And in those moments, knowing what a boundary is isn’t enough.
You need to have practiced setting them.
That’s exactly why MaryBeth and I created the How to Set Boundaries Bootcamp the way we did.
We’ll have 3 live sessions teaching you how to recognize, communicate, and hold boundaries that align with your values.
But the part I believe matters even more comes afterward:
3 months of support in holding your boundaries through the holiday season.
Because boundaries aren’t something you master by hearing the right words once.
You learn them by noticing the small moments.
By practicing when the stakes are low and building up from where you are. By learning how to stay calm when someone pushes back. By catching yourself when you override what your body is telling you. By choosing again and again until setting a healthy boundary becomes something you can access with confidence, not overthinking.
The goal isn’t to become someone who never feels afraid, overwhelmed, or uncertain.
It’s to become someone who can feel all of those things and still know:
What do I need right now? What is mine to do? And what boundary will help me stay grounded and aligned?
If you want to get better at that, we’d love to show you and help you through the messy parts during the most stressful time of the year. 🎄
Join the How to Set Boundaries Bootcamp
P.S.
Here is what one of our past participants said:
“I joined the Boundaries Bootcamp because I was navigating some difficult circumstances in very close personal relationships. Gaining a better understanding of the connection between boundary setting, my limiting beliefs, and my personal values has been profound. This experience was a real gift that greatly exceeded my expectations.” — John Amato
Join the How to Set Boundaries Bootcamp
