Unlock True Friendship: Building Meaningful Connections Through Shared Core Values
More than 1 in 7 men have no close friends. When I read that, I wasn’t all that surprised. If you are anything like me, building friendships as an adult is challenging. American men are experiencing a “friendship recession,” with 20% of single men reporting no close friends and over half of all men feeling dissatisfied with the size of their friend groups. So, you may be wondering, how to make friends as an adult?
When I was younger, outside forces brought friends together from the neighborhood, school, and sports.
I am guessing you had a version of that growing up.
But in time, you no longer live in the same neighborhood and don’t go to school or play on the same (or any) team.
When this happened to me, it was interesting to see which friends remained and which disappeared.
I still have friends from when I was younger, but not as many as I used to. And some people I thought were good friends I haven’t seen or talked to in a long time. It’s not like we had some falling out. Life just happened, and priorities changed. You start to focus on things like your career and family. And people naturally drift apart.
But hey, we all need friends, so it’s important to know how to make friends as an adult when it may feel harder.
An 85-year Harvard study revealed that positive relationships are the key to happiness in life. The study found that maintaining stable, long-term friendships is one of the top 7 habits of happy and healthy individuals.
Based on our Core Values Quiz, True Friendship drives, describes, or is wished for in 96% of over 3,900 responses. Overwhelmingly, most people see the value in having True Friendship!
So why can it be so hard to build and maintain those friendships as you age?
If you were like me, sports were an easy place to make friends growing up. When you share blood, sweat, and tears, your shared interest makes a bond natural.
In college, I was still trying to figure out who I was and wanted to be accepted by others. I hadn’t uncovered my values yet, so I followed the values my more dominant friends had. As a result, I often did things that I didn’t like because I wanted to be accepted or part of the group. Only to feel pretty terrible afterward.
Why?
Because I violated my values in the process of trying to be accepted by others.
f you force yourself to do things that violate your values, you will feel like shit.
But now that you are an adult, you can make a different choice (even when it feels hard to). Hello, boundaries…
So, how do you make friends as an adult?
Through shared core values!
So, what do I mean by that?
When you find people who share your core values, it is easy to become friends with them because you have shared interests. What drives you is what drives them. And I am sure you have experienced something like this at some point.
As in, when you meet someone new, you instantly connect with them, and then you realize it is because you both say…. love getting your hands dirty in nature, connecting with creativity through day-long grillin’ sprees or feel the most alive when you’re talking about the latest spiritual evolution you’ve gone through.
When you honor your shared values through friendship, life has purpose, energy and connection.
You can also be intentional about this process like I did…
For example, Spirituality did not resonate with me until a couple of years ago. Then, after a life-changing experience, It became one of my driving core values.
When that happened, I was hungry for new friends to nurture our shared core value of Spirituality instead of being the only one I knew who was on a spiritual path.
Here is what I did, and you can do it too if you want to know how to make new friends as an adult.
- ❣️ Pick a core value that you want to activate with friends. If you need a refresher, take our Core Values Quiz.
For my example, I selected the value of Spirituality. - ✍️ Define what that value means to you. Because your definition might vary from someone else’s.
Spirituality – connecting my soul with a higher consciousness. - ? Seek out new experiences that align with your value. These could be different groups, events, or communities.
I joined a meditation community, started attending a local wellness studio, and went on spiritual retreats. In the process, I met loads of new values-driven friends. - ? Connect and Be Yourself. Meeting people who share your core values for the first time is like meeting an old friend—like an exhale of “I see you, and you see me.” You can just be yourself and connect through your shared beliefs.
I started having open conversations with people without my ego telling me I was a weirdo, and my heart discovered that it was so worth it. - ? Reflect and Check-In with Yourself. After meeting new people or having new experiences, see how you feel. Do you feel full of energy, or drained? If you feel energized, that is a sign your values are being activated. If you feel depleted, it’s a sign your values are missing.
In my journey, I learned that some spiritual communities activated my values, and others did not. I had to try them out, see what was for me, and walk away from what wasn’t. - ? Create a Value Promise. After you learn which communities, people, or experiences help you activate your value so that you can connect with new friends, commit to activating that value together regularly.
I go to a weekly meditation session, connect with one of my new friends monthly, and go on a quarterly retreat.
The beauty of shared core values is speaking a common language with someone you have just met.
Life feels great when you are in a community with people who share your core values, like our Community of Alignment. Here, we teach you how to harness your core values to live a life filled with purpose. All while being supported by a loving community who “get it” because they’re doing it, too! (Check it out here.)
In those values-aligned communities and relationships, you feel like you can really be yourself. Values offer you that freedom. The freedom to be yourself and be authentically happy.
Values help you find your people and build your communities.
So next time you want to know how to make friends as an adult. Start with your values and surround yourself with people who share them.
“A friend may be nature’s most magnificent creation” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.
P.S. If you want to activate your values of Connection, Wisdom, Growth, Self-Care and Inner Harmony and make some new friends in the process, join us this week for one of MaryBeth’s transformative workshop!
?Rewild Yourself: Wisdom Gained from Wild Mustangs
Discover transformative skills and insights from my journey with wild Mustangs that you can apply to enhance your daily life.
In this Free 90-minute workshop, you will:
- Absorb practical wisdom gained from Wild Mustangs that will serve you in rewilding your spirit so you don’t feel trapped in people-pleasing perfectionism.?
- Learn 3 self-regulation tools to manage your energy and emotions in stressful times so you can bring peace and not panic.✌️
- Discover new mindset tricks to turn your sensitivities and triggers from kryptonite into superpowers.
- Leave feeling reconnected to yourself, owning your power, and supported by our values-driven community. ?
Use the button below to secure your spot for one of our dates:
