How to Navigate the Rollercoaster of Faith, Fear, and Burnout While Staying True to Yourself
You know that feeling when you’re all excited for your latest destination and then you find out that your flight is delayed or worse, cancelled? Or maybe you cannot wait for a big occasion, but your body completely shuts down and won’t let you fully enjoy it?
That was the vibe that felt like a dark cloud that was following me on a recent trip to celebrate the nuptials of our beloved niece.
Leading up to the time away, there was a significant amount of prep and anxiety about leaving our horses for the first time since we brought them home. Coupled with calling the police on our neighbors after an unfortunate incident. Plus some heartbreaks in trust with people I considered a chosen family. And BOOM! My back was OUT!
I’m not talking like a sore back. I’m talking like a screw driver digging into my back and not letting up, kinda pain.
I was straight-up scared to be on a plane and traveling for 14+ hours. But again, I wasn’t going to miss this important milestone, even if it meant taking pain pills to be there. (Something I generally avoid.)
So when we arrived at the airport, only to learn that our flight was delayed 4 hours and we likely wouldn’t make our layover, the gripping, victimhood energy was ripe. My back was screaming at me. And my mindset was no bueno.
I surrendered to the pain, pulled out my heating pad, and lay flat out on my belly in the middle of the airport.
After James unsuccessfully waited in line to see if we could get a new layover, he decided that it was time to let go of control and have faith that it would all work out.
Within moments of accepting that mindset as the truth, a little momentary angel, Liam, came running over to me like he was reuniting with a long-lost friend.
It wasn’t 30 seconds in before my body became his jungle gym. And he was draped over my legs like my own child might.
It was pure heaven for me. ?
It was just about the cutest thing I could have asked for to get my spirits up and back in my faith that everything was working out exactly as it was meant to!
Turned out our layover was delayed, so no rescheduling was necessary. We didn’t arrive until 2 am, but we made it to every occasion in time, and it all worked out.
Miraculously, my back started to feel better the next morning! I was shocked. The travel that I had dreaded became the space I needed to heal.
The wedding was glorious. Reconnecting with family was a gift. And being there to witness and celebrate felt like the best choice we could ever have made.
And then on our way back, it happened again. But this time we were trapped.
Two hours of being boarded on the plane, waiting on the tarmac for a lightning storm to pass. I was sure we wouldn’t make our layover.
As soon as I began ruminating about what awful hour we’d have to drive home (it’s 2.5 hours from the airport to our ranch), I decided it was time to have faith again.
And wouldn’t you know that after looking up and around, I noticed my soul sister, Louise, whom I hadn’t seen in 5 years, sitting directly across from us!! It was the universe giving us the invitation to reconnect and enjoy the unexpected time together. ✨
My heart expanded, and my soul felt so seen and connected with someone I hold so dear. This woman taught me how to be a mediator and lead with spirit. She was on my advisory board and was always someone I could count on for sage wisdom and unwavering support.
So to have bonus time with her was simply divine.
That felt so very good.
I wish the story ended there, but the truth is I was in one of those seesaw types of experiences where I was good then bad, then good then bad every few hours…
You see, we missed our layover, and there were no flights out until the next day. And since it was weather-related, the hotel and transportation were additional expenses we had to take on.
At this point, we have invested over $3,000 in this journey. And the additional hotel stay felt like a gut punch. Like seriously? And given my money wounds, I started thinking about all the other things we need for our horses and our homestead that $3,000 would have covered.
I went into a doom spiral about money and was overwhelmed by the expenses we had just paid on having our electricity done and it being significantly higher than the original estimate. And the rumination went wild!
I was spinning, spiraling, and judging myself for our choices and where we could have saved money, but didn’t. And then being so mad at myself for allowing those judgmental thoughts in when it was a no-brainer that we were going to be there no matter the expense.
Once again, James stepped up and reminded me that we’re good. There was nothing to worry about. And we are abundantly blessed.
He was right. It is the truth.
It was the old programming taking over. Finding a way to be a victim and getting stuck in patterns that never serve.
Full permission to be human.
What we discovered was how much nicer it was to have an overnight in Denver. And in the future, we plan to meet up with family there!
So while we did manage to get back our equilibrium, when we arrived home, we both got hit by a really bad cold. Body aches, sore throat, coughing, chills, sweats, headache. The whole shebang.
We were making our list of everything we were gonna get done IMMEDIATELY when we got back, and the universe made it clear that it was time to rest, recalibrate, and surrender to healing once again.
You ever been there? On the see-saw of faith and fear? One minute it’s the best, and the next it’s doomsday prepping?
?Listen to this guided meditation I made for those exact moments in life. Full permission to be human.
Let’s keep practicing in the school of life. Because that’s life, my friend. And we can choose to be a victim of it, or we can choose to have fun with it.
PS
If you’re riding your own see-saw of faith and fear lately… I feel you. That’s exactly why I created the DailySpark — a just 2-3 minutes you get a daily micro-dose of calm, clarity, and values alignment to help you start your day grounded (even when life’s a mess).
All this plus a monthly live session to set your intentions for the month ahead and get spot coaching for life’s challenges. FOR JUST $10/month! ?
