Mother’s Day Reflections
Vanesa Ajayi is a wife, mother of two and a grandmother of four. She is a registered Nurse and the Patient Safety Officer at UMMC-Midtown Campus where she has been employed for 40 consecutive years. She believes that if you sow seeds of kindness, compassion, and charity, good things will always come back to you in return.
Phyllis Ajayi is a single mother of 2, DeWayne and Alexis. She is employed by Kennedy Krieger Institute where she coordinates human resources processes for their Behavioral Psychology department. Phyllis also enjoys volunteering her time at her church, Colonial Baptist Church, as well as other community organizations and non-profit agencies.
Alexis Ajayi is a freshman at Baltimore Polytechnic Institute where she is a dedicated member of the cheerleading squad. She is also a member of Colonial Baptist Church’s Graceful Praise dance ministry.
How has your mother impacted the way you view motherhood? Phyllis: Motherhood is an awesome responsibility and one that should never be taken lightly. It’s more about your walk than your talk and my mother has always walked the walk so to speak. So as I navigate motherhood, I’m fortunate to have a pretty detailed roadmap in the form of my mother’s example. I don’t do everything as she would but I have a starting point and I can add or subtract as I see fit.
How had your daughters’ parenting style reflected or clashed with how you raised her? Vanessa: Phyllis’s parenting style reflects how I raised her. She is very compassionate, caring and she sets boundaries for her children. They are expected to go to school to learn, study and achieve grades of the highest standard. She will assist them and guide them with homework and projects as needed. Most of the time, she will direct them to resources that help them be independent thinkers and have the capability to do research. Phyllis is her children’s personal cheerleader. She encourages them to always strive to be that A plus student.
What are you most proud of when you think of your daughter/mother?
Vanessa: I am most proud of my daughters’ ability to be a survivor. She has experienced several personal tragedies in her life. She emerged as a strong woman who utilized her Christian Faith to survive. After becoming a member of a new church congregation, she became a leader in the Women’s Ministry at her church. She later got involved with United Way and also asked to Co-Chair a Jewish-Afro-American Community Forum based on her ability to address sensitive issues in a non-threatening way.
Phyllis: I proudest of her “in spite of” attitude towards everything. Nothing deters her from reaching her mark and her mark is always high. She does not allow obstacles to be obstacles. She pushes through no matter what.
Alexis: I am most proud of the fact she has stayed strong despite all of her circumstances.
What’s the greatest lesson your daughter/mother has taught you?
Vanessa: The greatest lesson my daughter has taught me is that adverse events don’t have to define you. She knows how to turn lemons into lemonade.
Phyllis: My mother made sure that we always had a spiritual center and we were always God focused. My foundation in my faith has been instrumental in my ability to navigate through life’s ups and downs.
Alexis: The greatest lesson my mother has taught me is that “You never know who’s watching.”
What did you see in your daughter at an early age that now serves her well as an adult? Vanessa: As a child, I knew that Phyllis would be a great leader. She was always chosen to represent her class, she would always volunteer to help with a school event. She always strived to be the best at everything she does and never allowed anyone to tell her she couldn’t.
What do you see in your mother that you now see in yourself?
Phyllis: I did not realize until recently how much of a survivor and a fighter my mother is. I definitely see that in myself. Defeat is not an option.
Alexis: Something I see in my mother that I now see in myself is compassion for those in need.
What’s the biggest difference you see in today’s times (vs. when you were raising your child/being raised) that creates challenges or ease?
Vanessa: The biggest challenge that I see today is how volatile schools have become. When Phyllis went to school, I never worried about school violence and whether she would get her safely. My other concern is the quality and commitment of some of the teachers. Do they help the student reach for greatness or do they allow them to settle for mediocre?
Phyllis: I think the answer to both is the same…progress. Progress creates challenges as well as ease. One of the easiest examples is the internet. The internet can be great. You can research anything. No need to make a trip to the library and check out 5-10 books. Everything is at your fingertips, but that everything includes some very ugly things. Children now have access to so many negative influences and those negative influences, in turn, have access to them.
What’s one thing you’d like your daughter/mother to know this mother’s day?
Vanessa: Phyllis, as a mother I am so proud of the relationship you have with your children. I like that you are always hugging them and they do the same in return. You are raising teenagers who are respectful, studious and always willing to go that extra mile to help others. Finally, I thank you for being that Rock that I need as I progress through my Leukemia. I would not have been able to survive without your love and support.
Phyllis: I know that as a parent, I’m always wondering if I’m getting it right. I want my mother to know she got it right. She has always been a shining example of what a mother should be. Nothing ever got in the way of her mothering…not her career, not social obligations, not personal turmoil…nothing. I’m sure there were days that she just did not feel like it, or maybe the money wasn’t there, or maybe she just did not know how…I never knew. In my eyes, everything was perfect. And even today as she battles Leukemia, she’s still determined to be my mother…always with the watchful eye making sure her baby is ok. I want her to know that her baby is ok and it’s all because of her and I’m so grateful that God blessed me to be her daughter. Without her constant support over the years, I definitely would not be here today…literally.
Alexis: One thing I want my mother to know this Mother’s Day is that despite what she may think sometimes, I love her very much.
